Alright I do not have enough time in the day. I have so much on my plate and I am freaked out come thursday I am going to not have everything done I need to do, and someone is going to judge me for it. Thing is I doubt anyone really understands how much I really have got going on. I think the snap shot outsiders have of my world pales in comparison to my to do list. I'm a little stressed.
Evil me loves moments like this, to tell me my day to day is not that full or not that hard but that I am just over dramatic and and am not as smart as I should be.
Then egotistical me says that if I couldn't do it then good luck finding someone who could.
Spending my days doing figure eights around my little universe makes me wonder if I am shitty at time management or just shitty at being over-extensive. What I mean by that is... do I give to freely of myself? Do I give too much to everything and everyone else?
Sometimes I just wanna get to the top of the mountain and yell hey!!!!! all you suits, checks, & balances! I am only one me. Spend a day in my shoes and you will see what I mean. Spend a day in my brain and you would have such a better picture of what actually makes sense vs what actually happens.
I feel like for what I do ~ I should already be somewhere else. So I am working on getting there, but first I gotta build a kingdom. It's crazy.
If I ever win the lottery, or ever get rich..... I am straight disappearing for a couple years then I am coming back with a vengeance in my own queserasera universe that will either knock your socks off or you won't get it. I'm a black and white kinda girl in terms of success no room for in between.
Ah see? look there, you got your first glimpse of grass is greener.
Why is it that I am almost 34, and I am no where near where I thought I should be?
Why is it that I am almost 34, and that I do not know where I will end up?
Why is it that I am almost 34 and there are still so many days where I question who I am?
outside the universe I live in? outside the mother to my child? outside the wife to my lover?
These are the things that drive me crazy.
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