So it all started Monday and it is been progressing. The greatness of loosing your rackets and becoming free is that you now are... the drawback is not everyone else is.
Without everyone else being where you are sometimes it is still hard to communicate and it gives a nice little in for your rackets to trickle back in too. The positive thing I can say now is that I am aware of them. So I know how to snap then shut like a clam shell and push them back.
That's good. What is sad for me right now is feeling misunderstood by some of the people around me. Hearing the feedback that some of them have.
Also having the issue I have currently happening within my life, has been upsetting for me because I feel like thier is a lot of anger, resentment, and judgement being focused at me.
I am in a place where I am trying really hard to just make peace with the fact that not everyone is always going to approve of where I am at or what I do.
But when I feel like I am being judged on the choices I have made in the recent past, that I feel are the best ones, it can be a hard pill to swallow.
For right now, I am doing what i can. But pretty quick here I am going to have to figure out a way to resolve this issue and above all else protect the one person most important to me or I am going to have to default to plan B and totally overhaul my life completely.
Either way, right now, in this moment... I'm just trying to breathe. Just trying to stay here now. Create a plan to move forward and not revert back to old behaviors.
Not falling back on old habits is hard. But leaving the load I've been carrying for so long behind me, where it should be .... has never been more clear to me that it is the right thing to do.
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