Head first

I feel like the last 7 days have been a lot of delving into the unknown. It's like jumping in a dark pool of water; both scary and exhilarating... not really sure how you will end up once you reach the surface again.

I bought a domain name and web hosting not knowing a thing about building a website. Then I took a leap of faith entrusting the task to someone to help me.

In that respect, I am so impatient with the progress because right now I do not feel like there is any.

 I have a pretty damn good idea what I am going to talk about there.

I chose the name love-is-beauty so I could have the freedom to discuss whatever is beautiful to me.

Right now that falls under a very wide range of things, like health, cosmetics and skin care, self love, body acceptance, holistic wellness, relationships, nature.... I like that I get to keep the subject matter pretty open. I wonder though (this is the tiny voice in my head) if anyone will even wonder what the hell makes me the authority on anything or if I will even get any readers, and if it will lead anywhere.

I am trying to stifle those thoughts and just be in the possibility that it will be everything I need it to be, and more.

The other thing I have really been doing this week is really feeling out this idea that I can do what I really want.

I am pretty set on going back to school in spring, even if it means going to work part time.
I am really digging the description of this ayurvedic course at one school. I am waiting to hear back, go tour the school, and figure out the time and money it will take... but you know the whole thing just feels so right to me. I can visualize myself doing it. Usually when I can really visualize something, that is when I know it is real.

I really want it to go the way it does in my head, because in my possibility..... it is awesome.

I just really feel like, this is it. This is my calling. When I think about living in this, letting all the other things fall away that I have been white knuckling for so long it is an easy and pleasurable experience.

The only reason I feel like I have held on to the things that have made me so unhappy is because I did not know where to go. It was like being a little girl lost in the dark....

But now I can see where I belong and I just want to keep running toward the light.

I have also been re connecting with my artsy fartsy side. I started painting Christmas crafts, nothing major.... but it is a good start. It feels therapeutic and I really love it.
Especially today as I sang Barbara Streisand at the top of my lungs and remembered my mom.

Doreen said to me, this is when you begin your spiritual relationship with you mother,
In moments like those ones.... I know she is right.





Run Wild - Barbara Streisand