I have been pretty busy and introspective lately. I started an online class, partially to see if I really want to pursue this whole nutrition/holistic/I want to help people thing.... Partially to see if I can do it and quiet those nay saying whispers of my own mind.
I have been attempting to journal more, started listening to a book instead of rocking out in all my free time in the car, I lost a friend, and am sending my kid off to high school soon. Those last two things have been occupying quite a bit of my mind the last couple weeks.
Life is strange, and beautiful, and tragic. People are surprising. I'm trying to be more mindful of the moments in life, and soak them in. I am trying to be more mindful of the people in life and not forget them, or be too busy with all the doing that distracts me.
I really feel like I have been reconnecting with my spiritual self, soft of relaxing into my own ideas about god or "the universe" and how I perceive it.
I've been in a folksy place in terms of music when I have listened lately. I have been tuning into a lot of country, 60's folk, & Joni Mitchell. Part of me wonders if I am getting soft and old, the other part of me is assuming I am trying to grasp on to what I really want and the transition into a new phase of my life.
I think I am at a time where I am still someone's mom, but as more time will pass I will begin to transition more into also who I am, what I want.... I'm not leaving the mom title behind in the process, I think it is just shifting to a different meaning. It's all sort of bittersweet.
I also am planning to go to Italy in two years with my friend. This is the first time I talked about an adventure, and actually took active steps to make it real. It's exhilarating, exciting, and scary all at the same time.
I cannot believe it is already summer.... as I sit her at my desk and look up at my vision board there are only a few things that still belong there as my central focus - the other's I don't know what the hell I was thinking in January... I feel like the last two years, since I began to create this vision board, this has always sort of been the case.... either I am totally A.D.D. (would explain a lot!) or time does strange things.... it reveals the truth.
As I contemplate this I am reminded the person that first introduced me to this process is my deceased friend's sister who is also my friend.... gives me a little pang of sadness. It's crazy how little things, snippets of time, and small conversations can have such an effect on you. It is even crazier to me that we often fail to see these things until we are forced to look.
So..... relevant things still on the vision board:
Loose 25 lbs (actually 30)
Low impact exercise 3 times a week
Maintain healthy eating habits
find a way to create income that serves my life better and creates more freedom.
More fun - travel, concerts, friends, & family
simplify your routine
save more $$ for the future
family 1st
Keep your priorities straight, put your family and your spiritual life first.
I'm doing awesome at some of these, it is amazing some of the things that have manifested and how much I have strengthened my own ability to just say yes.... some of these need work.
One thing that weighs heavy on my mind is priorities straight. Especially with the loss of my friend so close in the distance. I am really working on not leading my decisions with money, and prioritizing happiness and family first.... not as easy as it sounds; defiantly a work in progress...
I feel like I always say shit like this. I say I need to do, I'm working on.... I'm constantly in progress here on this blog and in life. I'm so annoyed by the ridiculousness of it; and at the same time accepting that this is just the process.
I guess I just gotta keep on..... holding the vision. Trusting the process... and being grateful
I am really going to try to keep writing more often. I feel as though I write about absolutely nothing, and for zero purpose other then it is healing for me to process my thoughts independent of my own mind.
You have always been so insightful. When did you start a vision board? How did you get it started? I find myself less and less motivated in all my life goals and in life itself everyday. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped ad that my life is not going forward but at a stand still. I am not motivated to get up in the morning and cook or make breakfast, start cleaning or doing schoolwork with either one of the girls. I don't think I am depressed as much as I think I need to find my purpose. I need to find me again. I don't know what steps I need to take to find me again. I use to be fun loving, smiley, giggly and even silly. Those times are now far and in between. I think I need to force myself to get out and be more social. I don't seem to be one of those people that can just be happy staying at home and spending time with the hubby and kids. Ive tried to be that way for about 5 years and I think it is wearing on me. Also, I thing it is affecting my marriage and other relationships.I am not as outgoing as I use to be, so I do not know how to go out and join a group and make friends. I'm more shy these days then I have ever been and I think that is because my confidence level is very low.
ReplyDeleteHow is the weight loss journey going? You look great and I don't mean your body only, but you seem to glow with confidence.
Thank you. I'm not as confident as I seem. I think I just checked off the find a way to create income that better serves my life to do on the vision board and I have gone through so many emotions it's unreal. ... but at the root of everything is fear. My relationship with fear is consuming it has held me back 1000 and 1 times. I have literally a blessing straight from God in my future and I have cried a thousand tears of fear. Fear that I am stupid, fear that I will fail, fear that I don't deserve this.... it goes on and on. I have worked so hard to take the steps to get this far, but trust me it has not been easy ever. My voice in my head tells me some pretty awful things and it's hard not to believe.
ReplyDeleteI have been doing a vision board for two years. This year, I just broke down and bought a cork board so I could change my vision as time moves on. In the ebb and flow of life, I find that my dreams and goals change.
As far as being a socialite. I'm not either. I work and mostly spend time at home. I'm so happy to have my own condo now I always want to be here.
You are not alone. My best advice is meditation. Everyday, even if it's only 5 minutes.
And look into the landmark forum. Changed my life ♡