OMG Taking life by the balls is tireing.

I have had the busiest two days off a girl could ever have and I still didn't get the laundry done...

I talked to not one, not two, but THREE Auyrvedic practitioners today alone! Three!
Got some great advice, and advice that I just really needed to hear.
Am I in a different place then I was this morning? Not really. I have just re confirmed for myself that what I need to do is just GO TO SCHOOL, and that I still have no idea what is going to happen on the other side of it.

I also took a crack at really getting the blog off the ground already, and although super simple and mediocre, it is in a lot better place then it was this morning.

Still a work in progress.... but the important thing to note is that it IS IN PROGRESS.


Still on my list to do. Meditate ( i do a lot of deep thinking in the car, but no chanting. Feeling a little un enlightened LOL) Paint some more Christmas crafts. Study for my F exam. Laundry of course.... and paleo canning and cooking in preparation for the holidays.

That is not much right? In addition to living, working, mommying, and wifeing???

I can TOTALLY have time to do it all...  :b

authenticity

Do you ever have those moments that something that could be potentially good comes along and no matter what you do you just cannot sell yourself on it?
Then as someone else is trying to sell you on it, you find yourself half heartedly sort of kinda of in a non committal way saying you will maybe do it to please them?

Such is the position I now find myself in.

I just cannot buy on to the norm although all the signs point to logical why I should say yes answers.

I am sure anyone else in my case would be thrilled to have an opportunity to be in my position, but I want to piss it all away for a dream, a wish, an idea, and freedom.

Ever since I turned left at the fork, I cannot get myself to slight right again. I am not upset or even the teensy bit bothered by it either. I just feel like the left is where I am going, come dirt roads, flash floods, or the city of OZ.

I been to the right, been to the right, and been to the right again.
I'm over the "right" I'm on to the ________________________.

Sadly though it means I get to make a I'm so sorry I may have slightly seriously loosely sort of agreed to maybe something I did not want to do because I like you, and I knew that I SHOULD want what your selling, but I just don't.

I hope this person understands and still likes me as much as she does now. Either way, I know what direction I am headed that is for sure :)

Here's to knowing what I want or don't want for once in my life.

the possibility of health leading to, life with purpose.

Got to spend time with my family today. Simple days like these are some of my most favorite to look forward to.

I have been so feeling so enlightened lately, and scared at the same time. I have to admit that it is not often my heart and my head are fully in sync.

I am on this whole soul searchy I want to LIVE and have a life that has purpose path. I am really yearning for everyday to be something I look forward to doing instead of feeling like I live in a black and white superficial atmosphere.

I know it sounds stupid, but I really want to have purpose in my life and feel like I am contributing to the health and wellness of my family and anyone else that wants it.

No matter how old I get I cant ever let the dreamer and the believer in me die, because she is the core part of who I am.

It is so hard to say things like this out loud to anyone else, because I hear that voice telling me I am stupid. I know it isn't me, and I know what to do with it... but that is part of the reason I write this blog. I just have to say it, whatever I feel whatever is in my heart.

What I live and thrive off of is what is in my heart and I just have to speak it somehow.

I am so scared, and have no idea what is next for me, or my family, or my life.

All I can say is that I honestly am so thankful, for my husband because never before more in my life has he truly been my partner, more then he is right now.

I just know that no matter what happens, he is there for me. I love him for that.

The good news is, I have a little time to figure out this mission i have set myself up on, and I feel as though I am empowering myself with the best tools I know of.

Although I am really terrified of the steps I am making in my life, I am proactively doing everything I can to make whatever I dream of to work without blindly setting myself on some random course.

I think most of the people I have talked to about this a little, think I am being a massive drama queen.

I don't care though, because no one knows the courage it has taken me to get here. So although I am totally terrified, I am really proud. I am proud of who I am becoming, who I want to be, and just being brave in the face of all the negative stories I have believed about myself for as long as I can remember.