Old habit's die hard.

So just the other day someone was describing to me the journey I'm on and there I was judging them for not following my perceived way to be. I was also not believing their whole Landmark forum high theory either. (can i just take a minute and say how crazy it is that I keep running into people from the forum at random!CARAZAY)
Anyhoo.... I'm going along doing my random kim thing.... swimming like Dory in the big blue.
and a little instance happens. I catch it, right away. And immediately apologize for my behavior and move on thinking great... see? I'm totally recognizing things and am so much "better" then before.

Then there it was. Like a freight train, a stressful situation that I totally thought I had handled, which I actually did have a pretty good handle on for most of it (self doubt here and there not included. Rackets can be like fruit flies in stressful situations...) till it was actually over. So weird...
Then BAM straight outta no where comes back totally classic quesera behavior and total old pattern.

I slept on it, and then a hour after being up this morning (I think the coffee finally sank in) I turned the reflection inward and was like woah. Old habits die hard, where did that even come from?

So there was a little delay in the recognition process this time. But there was defiantly no delay in the apologizing process. Can I just say I have never apologized so often as I have in the past few weeks?
It makes me laugh at myself really. The more time that goes on the more I see just how ridiculous I can be at times when I let myself get the better of me.

Anyhow the point here is, it tripped me up a little bit how long it took me to recognize my old habit creeping up this time. I thought I had this shit pretty much down.

I guess the moral of the story is: Just when you think you got your shit together is the time you actually don't. So be aware, and put that cocky behavior away and be humble.

Everyday is a learning and growing experience and everyday I just need to remind myself to just smile through it and feel lucky to be where I am right now.

This whole experience reminds me a little of adolescence. Some of it is so fun because it can be new and exciting, and some of it is so mortifying and can be embarrassing as hell. Either way there is something to be gained at the end.