it's been a strange week....

If there is one thing I have learned in the past few days it's that nothing is as it seems.
People have weird freaking motives for things, sometimes those motives are completely unknown to you.

Makes me glad I have the ones I love, the ones I keep close. There a handful of people that I am reminded this week to never take for granted. Love you guys xo

Most of today has been spent with the kiddo combating the stomach flu, which in my opinion is the most horrible of minor ailments to have. poor kid. Cross your fingers though, I think (knocks on wood) she might be turning the corner.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and it has had me thinking quite a bit.
Firstly I have been seeing what all my friends are "thankful for" on a semi daily basis and that defiantly gets my own thankful list going.
In addition to that it has allowed me to offer a place in my home to more then just my family for the holiday, which is  so huge for me... I almost never have anyone over.
I also have spent a great deal thinking about those less fortunate then myself and have been sending good vibes out to them as the weather gets colder and thinking about making a day trip with a group of friends to feed the homeless at a shelter or soup kitchen. although, I have to admit that hardly seems like enough.
I'm a big hearted person by nature. I have honestly thought about forgoing all gifts this year and putting the money into feeding the homeless or providing blankets and other supplies.
I am pretty sure many of the people in my life would think I was off my rocker should I decide to do such a thing, but it is really hard for me to fathom why I need one more trivial item in my life when there are so many people out there without a warm place to even lay their head.
It would make me feel better to give it all away to complete strangers and just enjoy the company of my family and close friends in lieu of gifts this year. gotta run this idea past the hubby so we will see...

Rather then recite all of the things I am thankful for every day of the month like several of my friends have, I would rather write them all down here. Mostly for myself more then anything else. This way the second I get all bitchy and whiny I can come back here, read this list and shut my mouth... so here it is.

1. My husband (he gets a lot less credit from me more often then he deserves; & because I love him.)
2. My daughter. The absolute greatest thing that has ever happened to me ever.
3. My family (both sides & in law's) yes, it is true so often you all drive me insane and I sometimes want to bitch slap you... but I love you guys too. LOL
4. My bestie, my soul sister.... Jenn (aka missknowitall <---- she really does!) I love you, no matter how much time or space ever comes between us I have your back always.
4 1/2. all of my friends. you motivate and inspire me everyday. you are all beautiful people in your own unique and individual way and I love you all and feel lucky to be a part of your lives
5. the roof over my head. It's more then a lot of people have, and it is just what I need
6. food, clothes, all the necessities. the stupid things I take for granted everyday like hot water.
7.  my health. which I am working on taking better care of
9. The people in my life outside of my "close network" that inspire me, that teach me, that help to mold and shape the world around me
10. Our jobs. God knows we need them, and we are lucky to have them.
11. My silly & childlike ability to still dream, up until recently it was one of the things that I loathed about myself, but I now realize it is not a weakness but a strength. most adults are far more dead on the inside then I'll ever be.
12. this world we live in. the fresh air in my lungs. the beautiful sunsets and sunrises. deep oceans, rivers, mountains..... from the biggest landmark to the smallest detail, I love the world I live in and hope to spend more time out there in it in the next year of my life :)

Old habit's die hard.

So just the other day someone was describing to me the journey I'm on and there I was judging them for not following my perceived way to be. I was also not believing their whole Landmark forum high theory either. (can i just take a minute and say how crazy it is that I keep running into people from the forum at random!CARAZAY)
Anyhoo.... I'm going along doing my random kim thing.... swimming like Dory in the big blue.
and a little instance happens. I catch it, right away. And immediately apologize for my behavior and move on thinking great... see? I'm totally recognizing things and am so much "better" then before.

Then there it was. Like a freight train, a stressful situation that I totally thought I had handled, which I actually did have a pretty good handle on for most of it (self doubt here and there not included. Rackets can be like fruit flies in stressful situations...) till it was actually over. So weird...
Then BAM straight outta no where comes back totally classic quesera behavior and total old pattern.

I slept on it, and then a hour after being up this morning (I think the coffee finally sank in) I turned the reflection inward and was like woah. Old habits die hard, where did that even come from?

So there was a little delay in the recognition process this time. But there was defiantly no delay in the apologizing process. Can I just say I have never apologized so often as I have in the past few weeks?
It makes me laugh at myself really. The more time that goes on the more I see just how ridiculous I can be at times when I let myself get the better of me.

Anyhow the point here is, it tripped me up a little bit how long it took me to recognize my old habit creeping up this time. I thought I had this shit pretty much down.

I guess the moral of the story is: Just when you think you got your shit together is the time you actually don't. So be aware, and put that cocky behavior away and be humble.

Everyday is a learning and growing experience and everyday I just need to remind myself to just smile through it and feel lucky to be where I am right now.

This whole experience reminds me a little of adolescence. Some of it is so fun because it can be new and exciting, and some of it is so mortifying and can be embarrassing as hell. Either way there is something to be gained at the end.

what snippet is this...12?

LOL looks like my ADD got the better of me and now I have lost count of the snippets... ah well.
So it's voting day again. Half the world is all up in arms over it, a quarter of it just doesn't give a shit anymore, and the other part is like me just curious to see what happens.

Don't get me wrong miss big mouth over here has a quite a few few political opinions.... but a while ago lost most of her faith that the whole voting system has any legitimacy anymore or that the little guys have a say anymore unless someday they band together and rise up and take the country back.

The likely hood of that happening in the chip eating dancing with the stars generation is slim to none.

totally off the subject but I just noticed I face book "liked" clean eating right next to arby's. I'm such a living oxymoron. I can't help but laugh about it.

So yeah anyhow, it should all be interesting over the next few days.... whatever happens we all just have to make the best of it and teach our kids to be smarter. That's all I can really say.

Tomorrow, I start the the 34th year of my life and I am excited to see what it brings. I am creating the possibility right now that this new year of my life is going to be a year where I will bring to life all the opportunities I have dreamed of for me and my family up to this point. Also it will be a year full of smiles, hugs, and belly laugh's. If I can just have those things in my life then that is all I really need.

Shout out to my favorite girl Ms. Knowitall! Happy Birthday!I love you girl! I'm sorry we cannot be together for our birthday, but you are with me everyday in my heart (insert mushy-ness and aweing noises here) Cannot wait to see you! Have a beautiful day! xoxoxoxoxo