changes

It is official the year of change has begun.

While it was very nerve racking for me to embark on the first major change in our family this year I think it is probably for the best.

Changes and decisions however do not come without their outside opinions and criticisms.
What all of that has taught me is that no one ever really is perfect, free of judgement, or supportive of others completely without their own agendas playing softly in the background.

While that knowledge is a little disappointing; it is really valuable.
It gives me the ability to keep myself from being far below the pedestal that I placed some people on, and now everyone is on a more even playing field in my mind.

That really gives me freedom to value my own journey, and experiences more. To feel like I can make decisions based on my own instinct, and not devalue myself in the shadow of another.

Oddly enough this time has been one of the closest connections I have felt to my mom's spirit in a while. I so wish we could have a chat! I have been dying to just tell her all that has been happening in my life. I would love to hear her thoughts on whatever she has thoughts on.

I am confident that this new chapter of life is going to bring forth, a new job, new experiences, a academic class or classes, and 50 lb weight loss. :) I am determined that I will also experience lots of joy and wonder, I am tired of spinning my wheels in the world of pain, anguish, and regret.

I am going to look forward, push myself no matter what people say or think, and listen to my self. I am playing a big game this year, wheather I have fans in the stands cheering me on or not.