Week 1 of the Optifast Journey

I want other people out there thinking about this program or starting it to find some honest thoughts and feelings about it, and I need to journal so I'm going to do my best to not my thoughts down weekly. 

Well, here I am day 5 and here is what's going through my mind today.

-Real talk? I'm fucking hungry but not for the things I thought I would be, instead I'm craving poached eggs with sauteed mushrooms spinach and toast, Tuna Salad, or a nice lettuce wrapped burger. What has been awesome is my husband is so awesomely supportive I tell him every thought and every craving and he is there for me.

-I don't think I am going to post before and after pictures or claim any weight loss success publicly. I'm not here for that, and it's not what I stand for. This is the first time in my life that I am truly loosing this weight for me. I'm committed to this to feel better, be able to do more, and to heal my relationship with food. I know as a fat person for almost 20 years the damage of being on the opposite side of declarations and before and afters is, & also I do not subscribe to the ideas of less weight equals happiness or success or acceptance. 
It doesn't. I'm happy now. I'm actually better mentally now then ever, I'm just in pain, and I recognize that I have had a unhealthy attachment to food for as long as I can remember and I want to heal.

-Taking in a ton of fluid is hard, and I've found ways to get around that somewhat but I do find myself wondering am I letting my food attachment side swipe it's way in? I don't know. 

-My dog is saving my life right now. She helps me get through. Snuggles and petting her is literally like artificial dopamine. I'm grateful.

-I have my teenage eating disorder thoughts creeping in. (Asking myself what I can do to loose 10lbs a week etc)
The good news is I'm aware of them, and I engage in an internal dialogue with myself to shut them down.

-when i was eating,  the block of time this program lasts seemed small, today it seems infinite. I keep a picture in my mind of what I will be able to do physically at the end of this to keep me going.

I have 3 more days till my first check in and i am curious to see my results and what the next week looks like.